I've fallen and I can't get up

I did it again.  I promised myself I wouldn't, but it has happened and I don't know where to go from here.  I've fallen for my best friend.  Damn it.  See we started out as lovers.  And what a lover he was!  Attentive, sweet, intelligent.  We have a ton in common.  So when his eye wandered as it soooo often does - 8 or maybe 10 women in just over a year and a half -what I so desperately did not want to lose was all that stuff we have in common and the fun we have together.  So, I worked really hard to squash down all the feelings I had for him so we could just be friends.  It was a long and difficult road for me and contributed to my post-partum depression and sense that my life was spiraling out of control.  I finally conquered those feelings this summer when he was away and I found that being on my own wasn't so bad after all.  I enjoyed my me time.  We've been really close as friends.  He is my best friend and will always be, I hope.

The problem is he is verrry attractive and verrrrry good in bed and when he didn't have a girlfriend after coming back home he turned to me for um.... physical release.  And having not had a decent lay since the last time I was with him, I said yes.  

This time, however, I promised myself that I wouldn't fall for him.  I knew I wasn't "the one" for him and we were just bed buddies.  At first I was good with that and I thought I was still good... till last night.  You see he gets into these funks and wants to be alone and I take it personally.  Which I shouldn't.  I know he is like this and if he doesn't want to spend time with anyone, then I should leave him alone.  That is the logical thing to do.  But, I am taking it personally and I am feeling abandoned and I don't want to leave him alone.  Holy shit I've fallen for him again and I can't get up!

Time to do something, take a breather, take a break.  Realize that I'm being ridiculously silly.  So I'm doing everything my instincts tell me not to do and that is leave him alone today.  Let him be, let him breathe.  We aren't dating after all, we are friends with benefits.  Nothing more. It will never be more and it can change at a moment's notice.  Mostly because he is sooo fickle and doesn't know what he wants out of women or life.

So if he doesn't change, I have to.  I have to back up, take stock and figure out he really is not the guy for me.  I wish he was a little worse in bed, that would certainly help me get back up.