Thanksgiving Turkey

Thanksgiving Day.  
9:40 a.m.

I leave the warmth and comfort of my bed and walk down the stairs to silence the chirp of my cell phone.  It's a statutory holiday.  Who the hell is texting me at this time of the morning on one of my few days off?  I have six texts from an unknown number.

VIEW MESSAGE?

I hit yes.  The texts are from a woman I've never met, whose name is Dory.  Dory it seems, has been looking through her boyfriend's phone and has found my texts.  Paul is her boyfriend's name.  He's also the guy I've been seeing for the last few months.  Turns out Paul is a cheater and a liar, according to Dory.  I'm inclined to agree.  She didn't know about me and decided to text me because she figured I didn't know about her.  She was right.

1st thought:  OH THANK GOD!  Now I don't have to come up with a reason why I don't want to date this turkey anymore.


How long have you been seeing him? I text.

A year. is the response.  So I apologize and answer that I didn't know anything about her and then go on to tell her that Paul and I hadn't gotten physical yet and to let him know that I don't want anything more to do with him.  She thanks me for my honesty and says she'll pass on the message.

2nd thought:  Wow!  Someone actually found him attractive enough to be with him for a year?!

Don't get me wrong, the guy is intelligent, interesting, and I had some great conversations with him; but he's about as attractive as Sheldon from Big Bang Theory.  I met him on a free online dating site (1st mistake - signing up on that site!).  I went on a couple of dates with him.  I spent the next few months trying to come up with excuses for why I couldn't see him that week, or the next or the one after that.

I'm not very good at telling people when I don't like them.  OK, truth be told, I'm horrible at it.  I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  I know, I know, I have to work on saying no.  But in this case, I just gotta say, thank God Paul is a bigger dweeb than I ever imagined.  He saved me from feeling guilty about dumping him.  My therapist would have a field day with all this!

3rd thought:  I thought he was a pretty harmless dweeb.  Seemed pretty sincere, sweet, and sooooo unattractive.  Very unlike his online picture.  The good-bye kiss he gave me last time was about as sexy as kissing a wet paper towel.  I also thought I was a pretty good judge of character. Hmmm...  Have to re-think that. 

I walk back upstairs with my phone.  "Who's that?" asks my very best friend, Clark.  "A student," I lie.  They actually do text me all the time...  I crawl back into bed and snuggle up against Clark.  There is a certain hardness bumping up against my ass.  Guess I'm not going back to sleep, after all.  Clark, unlike Paul, kisses nothing like a wet paper towel.

4th thought:  I really have to be careful about who I meet online.  What if I had fallen for Paul?  Liked him?  What if someone online had fallen for me? C'mon, I haven't dated anyone for a year.  But, I can't say no, remember?